December 7

“And this we owe our beloved dead, whether young or old:  to wipe from our memories all that was less than their best, and to carry them in our hearts at their wisest, most compassionate, most creative moments....And if we owe it to our beloved dead, we also owe it to our beloved living, not to dwell on their faults and lesser moments.  In seeing them whole, we help them become more fully themselves.”  Elizabeth Watson, 1979, Daily Readings from Quaker Writings, 11/15

This is what all of us want from others, so we ought to be giving it.  I know people who dredge up the worst about the “dearly departed”.  I always see turmoil in their face.  I think it’s the worst kind because there’s no hope for any kind of change of heart from the perpetrator.  But we can change.  We can change our minds about their faults and transgressions.  It’s in understanding that their problem lay in them and not in us that can help us let go of the negative and dwell, instead, on the positive.  Elizabeth goes on to make an even better point in that she says we should treat the living in this manner even more so.  While the former is for our sakes, the latter is for their sakes.  People generally live up to what is expected of them, so if we don’t expect much because we have such an awful opinion of them, we are contributing to the problem.  In order to see past their faults, though, we must see them as God sees them.  This means Self has to be out of the picture.

“... ‘and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’  And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt.  So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”  Matthew 18:33-35