December 21

“Lives that we are apt to call wasted, which have ended in sorrow and humiliation, are not really wasted, but are simply being stripped of that which separated them from the Lord and from a perfect conformity to his likeness.  That man is happy who goes into the next world emptied of self, no matter how painful the humbling may have been.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, Daily Secrets, 12/11

I believe this was the purpose of my mother’s illness.  She spoke the words of a believer, but her rebellion against God was just under the surface.  I could see it from time to time.  It was subtle, but it was there.  It wasn’t until she came to live with me so I could take care of her that it became more obvious.  As she resisted having to let go of her former life, what she really believed began to show to the point that one day she railed that she wasn’t interested in “sitting on the grass in heaven singing hymns all day!”  It shocked me on two fronts--that she felt that way about God after espousing His praises for years and that she had that view of heaven.  As the months wore on and she was near the end of her life I had a friend who cared enough to give of her time to my mother.  One day while she was visiting her and I was in the kitchen preparing supper, this friend prayed with my mother.  It wasn’t until after her death two weeks later that my friend wrote me a letter telling me about that prayer.  In it my mother had humbled herself and accepted what was happening to her.  No wonder, as I stood by her bed that last morning and told her Jesus was waiting for her, she breathed one last breath and let go.

“And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”  John 14:3

December 19

“He was willing just to be another member of the human race again, doing what everyone else did and requiring no more special attention.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 12/7

Eugenia is talking about the lame man who wanted to be healed.  We wonder, “Why wouldn’t someone want to be able to get around freely?”  Eugenia, I believe, has rightly pointed out he wanted to be healed because he no longer desired special attention.  How often do we hang onto an illness or even a sin because it gives us special attention just like a child who misbehaves when they feel neglected? Perhaps anything we justify by the fact that it’s due to a weakness is actually an attempt to feel special.  Even if we do not receive attention--as so many homeless people can attest to--perhaps the reason we do not accept God’s help is because we would then be just like everyone else.  This should give me pause the next time I complain about anything.  Have I not received what I desire because I do not ask?  And do I not ask because then I will no longer be special?  We’ve become a society who makes it our business to seek attention.  The reality programming on TV, I think, proves this.  It seems half the nation wants their 15 minutes of fame.  Our children are being raised to desire the limelight.  We must be very careful, then, that the example we set does not further this desire.  In fact, we should go even further and tell our children what they should desire and that is to seek to be humble.

“Therefore we must pay the closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.  For if the message declared by angels was valid and every transgression or disobedience received a just retribution, how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?”  Hebrews 2:1, 3a

Sissel -"To God be The Glory"

October 20

“You can take each thing that is wrong in your life as a chariot of God for you....Misunderstanding, unkindness, disappointment, loss, defeat--all these are chariots waiting to carry you to places of victory you have so longed to reach.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, God is Enough, 10/3

Why is this true?  Because God works all things for our good, if we love Him.  And what does it mean to love God?  It means to obey Him.  Even before that, it means to be available to Him, and we can only be available when we are humble.  There seems to be an awful lot of conditions to be met before God can do anything.  But not really....because all we need to do is accept God’s gift of Jesus Christ and He does the rest.  How quickly and completely that happens depends on our cooperation--but all that requires is the same humility in us that started the process.  Perhaps we lose that initial humility because it is a “heady” thing to be so close to God.  Our flesh can get quite pumped up and in our way pretty quickly.  I would venture to say that most of our “troubles” are meant to keep that in check.  We need constant reminders that we’re mere humans and without God are nothing.  It is His image we are created in, and it’s His life in us that makes us so valuable.  Otherwise, we are no more than any other object on this earth.  We really must keep that in mind when we humans do amazingly wonderful feats--whether in our physical capacities or in mental accomplishments.  To God goes all the honor and glory!

“Ascribe to the LORD, O heavenly beings, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.  Ascribe to the LORD the glory of his name; worship the LORD in holy array.”  Psalm 29:1, 2

October 18

“It is significant that there are two occurrences of stoning mentioned in the New Testament--Stephen’s and Paul’s.  Was it coincidence that God allowed Paul to be stoned in the same manner as Stephen had been?...If pride could blind Paul to God once, pride could do it again.”  H. Blackaby, Experiencing God Day-by-Day, 10/1

My excuse for not readily obeying God is that I’m afraid it might be my own desires that I’m obeying and not God’s will.  My concern is how would I know the difference.  After all, Paul truly believed he was doing God’s will when he had Stephen stoned.  As Blackaby went on to talk about Paul’s thorn in his side as a possible reminder of his earlier blunder--that it may have been caused by the stoning that he subsequently received--I realized I no longer have an excuse.  Rather than looking for a solution to my dilemma I’d been hiding behind my excuse.  I can wait for God to show me my sin of disobedience through some “stoning” in my life, or I can go ahead and correct the situation.  It was Paul’s pride in being a religious zealot that allowed him to be blinded to God in the first place.  It is plain, therefore, to see that my disobedience is directly in proportion to my pride.  Rather than “work on” my ability to correctly discern God’s will, it’s clear to me it’s my sin of pride that I must correct.  I must continually be empty of that pride so that God’s love can fill my heart with Him.  Then the desire of my heart will be to do His will.

“The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, whose dwelling is high, who say in your heart, ‘Who will bring me down to the ground?’  Though you soar aloft like the eagle, though your nest is set among the stars, thence I will bring you down, says the LORD.”  Obadiah 1:3, 4

October 16

“If you find yourself falling into sinful habits or not grieving over your sin as you once did, this indicates that you are not abiding in Christ.  Return to Him in repentance; restore your fellowship with Him; and you will once again experience victory over your sin.”  H. Blackaby, Experiencing God Day-by-Day, 9/26

This is hard because we don’t want to admit we’re wrong.  If we can blame someone else for our sins, then perhaps we will come to God.  Unfortunately, He can’t help us under those conditions.  The only way we can experience victory over our sins is to own them--to take full responsibility for them.  This in itself is a humbling experience and therefore opens the door to us to God’s throne.  Pride is our greatest enemy because it keeps us engaged in the blame game.  To be wrong is perceived to be weak and when we are weak we are afraid.  Making mistakes in our society is frowned upon.  It seems the Press lies in wait for celebrities to make even the slightest mistake so they can announce it to the world as some huge failure.  This couldn’t be if we, the public, hadn’t already put these people up on a pedestal where they are expected to be perfect.  This is what pride does to us--it puts our egos up on a pedestal where we dare not appear imperfect in any way.  We go to great lengths to give the appearance of being right about everything, but because we know we aren’t we are very insecure.  This causes all sorts of self-defeating behaviors that only serve to draw us deeper into dependence on Self and further away from God.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace; but with the humble is wisdom.”  Proverbs 11:2

October 6

“God is every minute yearning to fill us with Himself.  But He waits until we see our utter helplessness.  He waits for the time of our true hungering and thirsting after righteousness.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 9/22

Why does He have to wait until then?  I’m trying to lose an extra 20 pounds that I do not need.  If I lose it, I will weigh what I weighed two years ago when I thought I was fat.  Now I don’t think I was so fat at that weight.  I think once I get there I’m going to be content with that weight.  In the meantime I’m dealing with the desire to eat when I’m not hungry.  Since I’m eating when I’m no longer hungry, there’s nothing to tell me to stop--like feeling full.  I think this principal applies to being filled with God Himself.  If my desire to be filled with God isn’t because I’m empty, the hunger is being caused by something else.  Only true emptiness of self causes us to hunger and thirst after God.  Just like my “grazing” when I’m bored and near the kitchen is an attempt to satisfy my boredom rather than any hunger, my ego’s hunger will never lead me to God because it does not want to be filled with God Himself.  It may want what God has to offer--peace, love, security--but never God Himself.  To do so would mean it could no longer sit on the throne of my life.  So as I seek to lose this extra weight, I will remind myself that it is in hungering and thirsting after righteousness--and not filling myself with junk food--that I will receive all that I could possibly need or want--God Himself.

“Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst.’”  John 6:35

October 2

“Instantly, God’s presence made Isaiah aware of his sinfulness.  One of the seraphim came to him with a burning coal and cleansed Isaiah of his sin.  Immediately, Isaiah began to hear things he had never heard before.  Now, he was aware of a conversation in heaven concerning who might be worthy to be God’s messenger to the people.”  H. Blackaby, Experiencing God Day-by-Day, 9/20

Blackaby begins his devotional with the reminder that only the pure in heart shall see God.  While we can’t make ourselves pure, we can confess our sins. But it’s our sin of rebellion that must be dealt with first. I liken it to the mildew that keeps coming back to the corner in my basement.  Every time it shows up I scrub it off with bleach.  Invariably it comes back because somewhere a mildew spore is lurking in a crevice.  The only way to totally eradicate the mildew would be for me to tear out all the wall and baseboards that might be harboring the offender and start over.  This is the only way.  God knew this would be true for us as well.  Sin is like a mildew spore.  We can continually confess our sins and be purified, or we can let God tear up the floorboards and rip out the walls of our lives and start us over as new creatures in Christ.  Isaiah experienced the temporary cleansing then, but now he and the rest of us can know that we have been purified as long as we remain in Christ.  Having received this cleansing we need merely to remain in God’s presence through a humble heart.

“For thus says the high and lofty One who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:  ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite.”  Isaiah 57:15

"An Earthen Vessel"

"An Earthen Vessel"

The Master stood in His garden,

Among His lilies fair,

Which His own right hand had planted

And trained with tenderest care.

He looked at their snowy blossoms

And marked with observant eye

That His lilies were sadly drooping

For their leaves were parched and dry.

My lilies need to be watered,”

The Heavenly master said.

“Wherein shall I draw it for them

And raise each drooping head?”

Close to His feet in the pathway

Empty and frail and small,

An earthen vessel was lying

That seemed of no use at all.

But the Master saw and raised it

From the dust in which it lay,

And smiled as He gently whispered,

“This shall do My work today.

“’Tis only an earthen vessel

But it lay so close to me.

It is small, but it is empty;

That is all it needs to be.”

So to the fountain He took it

And filled it full to the brim.

How glad was the earthen vessel

To be of some use to Him!

He poured forth the living water

Over His lilies fair,

Until the vessel was empty,

And again he filled it there.

He watered His drooping lilies

Until they revived again,

And the Master saw with pleasure

That His labor had not been vain.

His own hand had drawn the water

That refreshed the thirsty flowers,

But He used the earthen vessel

To carry the living showers.

And to itself it whispered

As He laid it aside once more,

“Still will I keep to the pathway

Just as I was before.

“Close will I keep to the Master.

Empty will I remain;

And someday He may use me

To water His lilies again.”

            --author unknown

September 25

“One absolutely necessary characteristic of a tool is its pliableness.  The moment resistance is felt in any tool, the moment it refuses to move just as the master wants, that moment it becomes unfit for use.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, God is Enough, 9/17

Hannah says if she were writing with a fine gold pen and it began to move with difficulty she’d gladly switch to an old lead pencil.  Because I feel more like an old lead pencil than a fine gold pen I found this very encouraging.  Years ago I set to music a poem I’d found in a newsletter that told about an earthen vessel lying along side the road that the Master used to water His parched lilies.  The vessel was lying close to His feet, but even more important was that it was empty.  This was the only requirement necessary for it to be useful so that He could fill it with His living water.  That “author unknown” poem had a profound effect on me then.  It moved me so greatly that I stepped outside my comfort zone and asked to sing it at an area women’s retreat I attended.  Now, after all these years, I look back and realize I was singing about something I had not yet experienced.  I was in a very useful phase of my life, not only within my family, but also in the church.  This usefulness, however, was in my own strength.  I am only beginning to understand what it means to lie contentedly at the Master’s feet--empty of self--waiting until He is ready to use me. 

“If anyone purifies himself from what is ignoble, then he will be a vessel for noble use, consecrated and useful to the master of the house, ready for any good work.  So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart.”  2 Timothy 2:21, 22

September 12

“But blessed also, said Jesus, are those who just keep on hungering and thirsting after righteousness, because unless we are hungry and unless we are thirsty, all the food and drink in the world will do us no good.....And the more we are filled with God’s righteousness, the more immune we are to oppression, fear and terror of any kind.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 9/9

This imagery of having all the food and drink in the world doing us no good if we’re not hungry is something we should all be able to relate to.  How many times have we sat down to a fantastic meal only to find ourselves not hungry because we snacked all afternoon and we can’t bear to put another morsel into our mouths?  Or we stuff ourselves at the meal and have no room for the luscious dessert our hostess brings out.  Eugenia is telling us that all that God has to offer goes to waste if we aren’t hungry for it.  If we’ve satisfied our appetites on lesser things we will have no room for what He has to offer--the gourmet food of life, Christ Himself.  Christ tells us that the poor and needy are blessed because those who come to God in that condition shall receive the kingdom of God and all it has to offer.  Let us remember, then, whom it is that feeds us and not go rummaging around in the refrigerator between meals!

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”  Matthew 5:3-6

September 6

“At times people will not respond as they should to the message God speaks through you.  Don’t become discouraged; it is a reflection of their relationship with God.  You are God’s servant.”  H. Blackaby, Experiencing God Day-by-Day, 9/3

Blackaby always finds the right words to pry open my heart--and why wouldn’t he!  He’s one of those servants he’s talking about.  This is why his ministry has far-reaching results.  His ministry is God’s ministry because he knows he’s merely one of God’s servants.  The media today overlooks men like this and instead chooses to bring to our attention the men who have their own “ministries”.  These men are not God’s servants.  They may have the “talk” and do good things and have a great following, but they do not have a servant’s heart, and certainly, are not one of God’s servants.  However, before I go off on these people who make God look bad, I have to turn the spotlight on myself.  Do I do all things “as unto the Lord”?  Just because I don’t have the media following me around highlighting my life doesn’t mean I, too, can’t do great damage to God’s image.  Do the people I’m serving know that I’m serving God?  One way they will know this is by how much patience I have with them.  Another way they will know is if I give up on them and go find someone else to “serve”.  Thank you, Lord, for this reminder that it is You that I serve and because of Jesus Christ I can serve You as a friend.

“No longer do I call you servants [slaves], for the servant [slave] does not know what his master is doing but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”  John 15:15

August 17

“Pride is devastatingly subtle. Check your motives when you cringe in the background [when someone compliments you].  Could it be because you unconsciously long to call attention to yourself?  If we run ourselves down as Christians, we are not only running down the redeemed of Jesus Christ, we are still pointing to ourselves!”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S. 8/17

Eugenia has uncovered another lie of the ego--to tear yourself down is a sign of humility.  As she points out we are only bringing attention to ourselves and in the process implicating Jesus Christ!  If we are indeed new creatures and it is Christ that lives in us and no longer us who lives, any compliment given to us should be received as Christ would receive it--with compassion.  Why do I say “with compassion”?  Because compassion is what keeps the compliment from reaching our fleshly egos which is more than ready to tempt us into either claiming the compliment for ourselves or rejecting it in order to bring even more attention to ourselves.  Compassion focuses on the other person.  Perhaps the compliment was given because that person is envious or may be attempting to use flattery to get us to do more.  Compassion would allow us to see through this without condemnation.  If the compliment is given in all genuineness, compassion will receive it for the glory of God because in our hearts we know the compliment was meant for Him and we need not point that out to anyone because we are about our Father’s business, not our own.

“I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not receive me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive.  How can you believe, who receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?”  John 5:43, 44

July 17

“He has blessed us, ‘with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ’ (Eph. 1:3), and it only remains for us to go up by faith and possess them.  If we do not, it will not be because of our weakness or the strength of our enemies but because of unbelief.  It will be because we measure our enemies with ourselves instead of measuring them with the Lord.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, God is Enough,  7/18

How often do we buy gifts for friends and family because WE like the item.  If you have impeccable taste, then perhaps that’s not a problem.  But if you don’t, chances are the gift receiver may not find your selection to their liking especially if your lifestyle is different than theirs.  We too often measure things by our own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses.  We assume far too much about other people.  Hannah says we do this with God as well.  If we don’t have a right understanding of God we will make assumptions that will cause us much pain and suffering.  Sometimes in a physical way, but always in an emotional way--God doesn’t live up to OUR expectations.  When Hannah speaks of unbelief I feel she’s not just referring to whether or not we believe God.  I think she also means, do we really know God?  It doesn’t matter how much we believe if what we believe is wrong!  God reveals Himself to anyone who desires to know Him, but He has some requirements.  Let’s make sure we know what those requirements are and then let’s make sure what we believe about God is true.

“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

July 16

“For this I can say, I never since played the coward, but joyfully entered prisons as palaces, telling mine enemies to hold me there as long as they could:  and in the prisonhouse I sung praises to my God, and esteemed the bolts and locks put upon me as jewels, and in the Name of the Eternal God I always got the victory, for they could keep me there no longer than the determined time of my God.”  William Dewsbury, 1688, Daily Readings from Quaker Writings, 7/16

All of my readings for today pointed in some way to the prisons we are in.  Every Christian is in a sense in a prison--the world that we live in.  We may not be in a physical prison as William Dewsbury was, but we may face some form of persecution or loss of liberty because we profess Christ.  How wonderful it is if we can see these “bolts and locks” as jewels.  But Eugenia Price has been writing about our personal prisons these past few days.  These are the ones we often do not see.  Their bars are so far apart we can see right past them, but they still do their job of holding us.  As I examined my own self-made prisons I realized I have several, but I can put them all under the category of unbelief for it is here that the others find their nutrition.  My prisons of selfishness and need to be right feed on the unbelief that still exists in my mind.  It is this unbelief that allows old fears to gain a foothold in my life, blinding me to the fact that I am now a child of God.  Scripture tells me that if I will honor God--show respect to Him--He will honor me (1 Samuel 2:30).  It is in the act of humbling myself before God that my prison doors shall be flung open.

“The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility goes before honor.”  Proverbs 15:33

July 9

“This is a far more vital point than might appear at first, for wrong views of the love of God lie, I am convinced, at the root of most of our spiritual difficulties.  We take the worst elements in our own characters...as the key to interpret God, instead of taking our best elements of love....as the key.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, God is Enough, 7/9

Hannah is saying that we measure God’s love for us by how much love we have for Him, and if it’s small, then we’ll never experience how great a love God has for us.  This got me to thinking about my view of God in general.  Are there other ways I “limit” God?  Do I bring Him down to my level?  The first thing I realized is every time I am fearful I am in a sense handcuffing God.  I remember the time my kitten got its mouth caught on the scrollwork of a metal chair leg.  It was terrified and therefore fought every effort I was making to free it.  Thankfully, I kept my cool and was able to hold her little body with one hand while I opened her mouth to release her grip on the ironwork with the other.  And thankfully, God keeps His cool while He helps us untangle ourselves from the predicaments we get ourselves into.  I realize now my God is a great God.  He does according to what I believe about Him.  If I think He is small, then He can only do small things for me for I will only humble myself a little.  The bigger my God, the more humbled I will be, and the more grace He can give.

“But may all who seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee; may those who love thy salvation say continually, ‘Great is the LORD!’  As for me, I am poor and needy; but the Lord takes thought for me.”  Psalm 40:16, 17a

June 25

“...we put our own desires ahead of God’s....He never asks more than a person can manage because He gives the grace and strength to do as they are needed.”  Daily Readings of Quaker Writers, 6/25

When I woke up this morning I started thinking about some long unmet desire that can never be fulfilled at this point in my life.  I don’t know exactly why I began thinking about it other than that God was planning to show me something in my morning devotional reading.  After expressing to my husband that while I believe that God works out all things for our good, I added that I just don’t know what to do with the desire that is still with me.  Then I read the above quote and understood.  My desire in itself was not a bad desire to have, but as long as I put it ahead of God’s desire for me I cannot receive His grace and strength to let the desire go.  I’m sure there are many more desires I’m hanging onto and am putting ahead of God’s desires for me. I must be diligent to keep them in their proper place!  To truly want what God wants is an act of humility, and as we know, God only gives grace to the humble.

“For thus says the high and lofty One who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:  ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite.”  Isaiah 57:15

June 14

“Too often we try to keep our own hearts and minds in a peaceful condition.  Quite naturally, we usually fail...Human hearts and minds, always sensitive to pain and humiliation and scorn, cannot keep themselves peaceful.  They must be kept....supernaturally by God Himself.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 6/14

The only way we can have the peace of God is to have God Himself.  God is peace.  And the only way we can love as God loves is to have God Himself for God is love.  All of God’s attributes are ours for the having, but we must take Him in the process.  Too often we only want what He has to offer and not Him.  I can only think this is because of our original sin--our desire to have control over our own destiny.  We want to decide what and when and where and how.  But we are God’s creation and who are we to tell God how to run His show?!  It’s in recognizing this and humbling ourselves that we are saved from our own flesh’s attempt to usurp God.  It is in receiving Christ’s spirit that we are enabled to live this humbled life.  And it is in living a humbled life that we will be one with God and therefore experience His peace--a peace that cannot be disturbed.

“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same nature, that through death he might destroy him who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong bondage.”  Hebrews 2:14, 15

June 12

“Have I learned to be content in Christ in the midst of anything?...We can learn.  Paul did not have a ‘corner on the market’ of the obedient heart.  Anyone can obey God.  Even the weakest among us.  Particularly the weakest among us, according to Paul.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 6/12

Because I’m a “recovering perfectionist” I can always find something to be unhappy about.  I stopped calling myself a perfectionist the day I decided it wasn’t working for me.  Now I’m a recovering perfectionist.  It’s no longer my driving force, but because it was for so long, I can slip back into it quite easily.  They say that addiction to alcohol can be overcome easier than an addiction to food because you can totally abstain from alcohol while you can’t totally abstain from food.  I find addiction to perfectionism falls into the category of food because perfectionism presents itself in all facets of one’s life.  In order to abstain from perfectionism I’d have to abstain from life!  So God showed me this morning just how silly I can be.  I suddenly could see that I am not only discontented about some of the situations in my life I am discontented with being discontented!  It was in that revelation that I saw God’s solution.  I have to learn to be content even with being discontented.  As long as I fight being discontented I’m feeding it.  I have to take the fuel off the fire.  I can do that by learning to be content in ALL things--even with myself, just as I am, because it’s then that God’s grace can do its work in me.

“...but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.”  1 Corinthians 1:27-29

June 11

“Perhaps we do not like our providential surroundings...we are always thinking we could be better Christians if only our circumstances were different...Our souls ‘loathe the light food’ of God’s providing; and we question, as the Israelites did, whether God is really able to provide the spiritual food necessary for us in the ‘wilderness’ where He has placed us.  The ‘wrath of God’ is only another name for the inevitable results of our own bad actions.  God’s wrath is never, as human wrath generally is, an arbitrary condition of His mind, resulting from His displeasure at being crossed.”  Hannah Whitall Smith, God is Enough, 6/11

These words have prompted me to write a letter to a friend with whom I’ve not spoken in three months.  I confessed to her that the rift that I created was because of this very thing---my thinking I needed a friend who was more spiritual.  I wrote her, “I felt I needed you to be on the same page in order to help me stay on the page.”  I’d taken matters into my own hands and tried to convince her along in my own strength.  I did not leave it to God.  Yes, I’d spoken the Truth to her, but “I” was in it.  After three months of no communication I realize now that if God had been in it, it would have born some fruit by now.  “But it has,” are the words coming into my mind right now.  The fruit has been in my life, though.  God has used it to show me the results of my taking matters into my own hands.  I’ve had to suffer the results--the guilty feelings of causing my friend to feel betrayed.  In addition, I’ve not had a friend these past three months with whom to share all the troubles I’ve gone through.  God, I once again hand my spiritual growth over to You.  I shall partake of whatever you give me.

“...yet not what I will, but what thou wilt.” Mark 14:36b