August 19

“When [God] calls, He supplies the means to answer His call.  If we are looking too intently at our work for Him, we can easily miss His Presence beside us.  And this brings great suffering.”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S., 8/19

I experienced this suffering while taking care of my mother.  I’d felt called to bring her into my home even though she required constant care by me.  I knew that God would be with me.  But after several months I began to experience the suffering that Eugenia refers to when I found that I couldn’t help my mother accept her illness.  Everything I did for her had no positive result.  She was still unhappy and suffering physically in addition to her mental suffering.  I felt overwhelmed and a failure.  It was only a few weeks before she died that I was able to hand it all over to the Lord and experience peace not only about my part in helping my mother but in accepting her impending death.  It’s been eight years since that experience, and even though I still find myself judging success by the outcome, I’m in a better position to be honest before God and allow His Hand upon my shoulder to direct me in the way in which He desires me to go; and that way is one of relationship.  This is the process that He desires from me--to leave the outcome to Him while I look only to having a real and intimate relationship with Him moment by moment.

“Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James 1:2-4