May 18

“...He gives us something we can do to prove His power to forgive.  Something we ourselves can do to prove that we have been given a new life.  That we have been healed.  ‘...Arise, take up thy bed, and go into thine house.’”  Eugenia Price, S.P.S. 5/18

Eugenia is quoting Jesus when he had just told the man “sick of palsy” “that you may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins...”  As I read this I heard God ask me, “What is your bed?”  What is it that represents my “sickness” of doubt and fear?  Eugenia says I need to “grasp it with both hands” as Jesus told the man he’d just healed.  He said, “Take up thy bed and walk.”  I can prove to myself that Jesus has healed me of my misery if I will just get up off my bed where I’ve lain for so long.  Yet, when I’m most miserable I feel tethered to that bed.  Lord, I know what keeps me tethered.  I want You to prove Your power over my life by just taking control of me.  But that is not Your way.  You have given me free will and desire for me to give You permission.  I am afraid to give You permission for fear of what You might require of me.  This is clearly a trust issue.  But I think it is only an issue because I’ve taken my eyes off You.  For when I look fully in Your face I cannot fear.  And the reason I don’t look fully into Your face, Lord, is because I care more about what people think than I care about You.  The more I see how this plays out in my life the more I realize I do not want this to be.

“Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me!  Thou hast said, “Seek ye my face.”  My heart says to thee, “Thy face, LORD, do I seek.”  Hide not thy face from me.”  Psalm 27:8, 9